D E N I E D

I truly believe life is a set of algebraic equations.

1+1=2    3+4=7   5×5=25

(x + 1)2  =  2×2 + x + 1

It is the root of our being.

A man’s past + his present = his future

M(Pa) + M(Pr) = Mft

A man + a woman = a child

M + Wm = ch

Hydrogen Chloride + water quickly becomes hydrochloric acid

HCl + H2O → H3O+ + Cl–

What is captivating about a balanced elemental equation, is as soon as you change one element, one variable, the entire rest of the equation changes.

In 2010 I knew myself + my experience from my MA degree + six months of artistic residency + x would  =  whether I would return to UK?

m + MA + ART + x = UK  ?

I had assigned to ‘x’ that quality of if I did indeed receive a Post-Study VISA to the UK, then I would indeed return.  Despite an enjoyable time in the south of France with my then partner (another variable of the equation which in fact altered the UK return:)

m + MA + ART +   x  =  Wm
.       Wm                         UK

and despite an enjoyable and productive time on a farm with friends in the US, I was granted the VISA.  So I returned and for two years I worked and I worked and I worked and I worked…..  from one university then another.   Up until the last second when I passively gave them both the opportunity to renew my VISA.         Neither did.

By then I had made a decision I wanted to stay.

My present + past + x = stay in UK

MPr + MPa + x = M(UK)

Only viable solution to x was to embark on a PhD.  So I researched.  Who What Where When How and Why…..   But the day to day struggle to survive in a city proved overly trying on my mind and I was too distracted.                 The window closed.

A door had opened though. One that lead to exactly what I should be doing.

I stepped through it into a warm welcoming room, wood burning stove billowing in the darkened corner.  But that door too closed behind me.  Relieved for one moment, after two I panicked and tried to knock it through.  Three times a harm.

d e n i e d

And so I stay. In Paris. In a monks room behind the theatre.

Me + past + new present = new future?    Of what?  Not sure….

M  + MPa + M(nPr)  = x

I have ideas.

I’m open to suggestions.

I expect nothing.

I’m anxious for everything.

the algebraic dilemma?   what happens when you offer up a new variable?  How does that outcome alter?

past + (me present  x  [a female present]) = (different)future?

MPa + M(nPr) x MaLa  =  x